- Isolation and Humiliation. An emotional abuser wants to make his or her partner feel bad constantly. In order to keep the victim down, the abuser looks for ways to keep the victim for getting support. The abuser usually has a number of reasons why the victim shouldn't spend time with family or friends.
- The Blame Game. If you ask an abuser, he will never say that anything is his fault. Abusers blame the victims for "making them do it." They also have a lot of other excuses for why the behave unacceptably. From a bad childhood to a bad day, the blame always belongs on something or someone else.
- Intimidation. Abusers use threats to get their partners to do what they want. Emotional abusers don't usually resort to physical violence, but they are not above threatening physical violence to get their way. Many will threaten their partners, children, and family. Some even promise to kill themselves if the victim tries to get out of the relationship. In this way they use fear, guilt, and shame to intimidate victims and make them feel like there is not escape.
- Domination. Abusers have to feel like they are in charge all of the time. To achieve this, they treat their victims as possessions. To the abuser the victim does not have any value aside from their ability to do what the abuser's bidding.
The thing that makes emotional abuse difficult to deal with is that it doesn't carry the same weight as physical abuse in the eyes of most people. Sometimes even the victim's don't realize the extent of the damage caused by years with an abusive partner. The fact is that not every abuser hits, and not all scars are visible to the eye. But the trauma and pain caused be emotional abuse is very real and it can take years to move toward help and recovery.
Emotional abusers are able to gain control by making others feel like they have no self-worth. Many victims feel that they have no other options and that they only choice they have is to stay with the abusive partner. These circumstance make it difficult for the abused partner to escape the relationship and leave their partner.
Name-calling, shaming, yelling, and instilling fear are all ways that abusers can control the actions of their partners. To them control is sought through any means necessary.
It is unfortunate that society tends to view emotional abuse as less severe than domestic violence and physical abuse. However, emotional abuse is every bit as damaging, emotionally and psychologically speaking. In order to break free from the cycle of emotional abuse, victims must admit that emotional abuse is happening, that it is unacceptable, and that it is important to gain a sense of empowerment.
There are several ways for victims to regain their sense of self-worth and move toward feelings of empowerment and away from feelings of helplessness. Some victims buy self defense videos and begin Martial Arts Training at home to build their confidence. Others find a new hobby, join a book club, or do things they feel they were not entitled to do when they were being abused.
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