What is attachment disorder and why is it such a big deal? How does it disrupt families? There are children with attachment issues that are not as severe and then there are children on the other end of the continuum who could kill. I know in most adult's world, they cannot imagine any child ever capable of killing, but it seems I hear it more and more on the news. The children have not always killed, but have no conscience when it comes to how they treat other people. Much of my commentary on these children and the families is based on experiential studies of families I have worked with in therapy for 20 plus years. I have seen families devastated by more serious cases of attachment disorder. I have supported families in thier need to disrupt the adoption because of the safety of family members. Many of these children have been adopted through international adoptions, but not all.
I do believe we are all on the continuum somewhere, having issues of trust of others, etc. We all may do our part to push others away, but the children I am talking about try to make adults crazy, in an effort to feel better themselves. Many of the children I work with are adopted, perhaps through the state system or international adoptions. Also, by the time they come to see me, the parents have run out of options, and have been doing a great deal of research to find out what's wrong. The ones I see are often on the more severe end of the continuum, not the ones who are withdrawn. Traditional therapy is more likely to work with them.
Secure attachment can be broken with the mother in utero or during the first 2 years of life, to the level that it affects that child on a severe level. A child can be adopted at 3 days but continue to show more severe symptoms of attachment disorder because thy have never let the adoptive parents love them. This is not a conscious decision to not bond - it is cellular. The child has learned in utero life is not safe - The child believes he/she must be in control to remain safe. If I trust you you will fail me and I will die. This is the lesson learned by them from their birthmother. "I will take care of my own needs because you will let me down" is their belief. Life or death is what it means to them.
In healthy maternal care, the following are required for development of trust and attachment: eye contact, food, touch, comfort, verbal and emotional contact, play, smiles, mirroring effect, and consistency. Now all children develop it. It seems that highly sensitive and intelligent children are more likely to refuse to attach to new caregivers. It is comparable to the question of "what makes one person a survivor while the another one who has been abused continues the negative path?" We don't really know. Perhaps the brief moment of knowing a birthmother's love is enough. What was the pregnancy like?
The child's development and personality are affected by the early neglect and attachment disorder. Even though they may grow up in a loving environment post-adoption, they do everything in their power to create chaos. Their brains appear to be wired differently - we sometimes call it upside down parenting. The children do not respond to reasoning or consequences. Everything becomes a battle and the child is out to win. Because they need to stay in control!
I could write forever about symptoms and behaviors of attachment disorder in adoptive children as it affects the child and the families.
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